Illusions // Prod. By CJ Beats

from by jaeL



CJ on the beat uh
jaeL with the heat uh

[Verse 1]
I hope you understand me
I never had a plan B
And I was wild, drove a rift in our family
I know we used to argue that I’m not all that I can be
But now I’ve got the drive, cutting brakes like Camry
And I’ve identified, what I need to feel alive
Every time I spit a rhyme I feel the warmth from inside
I know you stayed up nights, wondering why he do that?
Well a lot of hearts beat ma, but
Mine Boom Baps
I’ve got a whole lot to say, tho I’m not getting paid
But I know you want me happy at the end of the day
So I see why you made school my first choice
And that’s cool, but all it ever did was hurt my voice
Tryna tell you I ain’t bout it, I could do better without it
See I knew pops was down, but I felt you always doubted
And I guess I never told you, but that really broke me down
Even though I told myself nothing could ever slow me down
But now

Im tired of feeling like Im all alone
Like I’m on my own
Tired of yelling at you on the phone
Im tired of saying I ain’t coming home
But no matter how I fake it
I can’t make it on my own
I can’t make it on my own, no I can’t make it on my own
No matter how I fake it
I can’t make it on my own
And I try to act strong, when you see me on the road
But no matter how I fake it, I can’t make it on my own

[Verse 2]
I guess I better tell you now and not wait til later
But growing up, I looked at you as my biggest hater
I felt like you ain't give a fuck what I wanted
And you really only noticed my success
So you could flaunt it to ya friends
Who had kids getting fancy ass degrees
MBA, PHD and that's neat, I agree
But that really ain't me, I wish that you could see
I'll change the world in a flash
With my plans out of class
But they always tryna teach me what it is
And not why
Like they tryna fit me in, but my mind is too wide
And I think I'd rather die than be told how to live
Really though
What's the diff if I never share my gift?
I can't take like it is
I finally got it figured out
That's why I called you and told you that I'm probably dropping out
And I know your heart stopped
"baby what you talking bout"
But momma please hear me out, before we both start to shout
Cause now


[Verse 3]
Im sorry momma but it’s something that I gotta do
I got a lot to prove
I’m young, not a lot to lose
I never had a silver spoon, just a silver tongue
Made a couple tracks, many more still to come
And still I feel like you ain't bothered, you ain't never listen
I guess that does explain the reason we've been growing distant
But when we got to speak in person things were feeling different
That's when you told me "Do your best J, I know you'll get it"
The curtain lifted
I saw no further obstacles
Flying over hurdles, hit the turbo
I'm unstoppable
Progress like a turtle but I promise that it's probable
I grew up hearing stories of you doing the impossible
How you came from nothing, and you conquered destitution
Went from doing make up then got your own distribution
And I gotta say it's great we got to clear up the confusion
Got my momma back, gotta say I like the sound of that
Cause now

It's good to know that I ain't all alone
I ain't on my own
I hear you smiling when we on the phone
It's good to tell you that I'm coming home
Cause no matter how I fake it
I can't make it on my own
I can't make it on my own, no I can't make it on my own
No matter how I fake it
I can't make it on my own
And I know you act strong when you see me on the road
But I promise when I make it, imma make it back home

Wish me luck ma.


from #FML, released August 13, 2015



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jaeL New York, New York

22. NYC. Rapper. Sneakerhead. Gearhead.

But other than that, I live just an everyday life.

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